The fuck all that press interview Christ

Below's interview took place on a night bus from Trafalgar Square going to thefuckallthatpress' HQ in Penge. Si & Paul couldn't believe their luck when Jesus and Gabriel (who didn't say a word as he was acting as Jesus' silent attorney)stood up to give them their seats.

Si & Paul. So Christ what brings you on the nigh bus to Penge?
Jesus. There are some souls I must save.

Paul takes out a bottle os scotch from his damp and sick stained coat.

P. Si, Jesus fancy a drop?

Si takes a swig and offers the bottle to JC. Who shakes his head.

J. You know you shouldn't drink?
S & P. Bollocks.
P. Question 2. The bible, why?
J. Are you serious?
S. Oi we're asking the fucking questions here, now get on with it.
J. I can't answer that question. And is it nescessary to be so onfensive?
P. Shut the fuck up sandals and get on with it.
S. When you finally get back in the sack with Mary Magdalen for round two of your secret hanky panky do you shout 'Second Coming'?
J. (Clearly unimpressed). No.

At this point is fair to say Si & Paul are in hysterics.

P. I bet you do, you dirty fucking rotter, right before you do her in the gary.
J. Really, this is not on, I'm the son of God you know.

Si pulls out a bag of Minstrels.

S. Have a sweet JC and forget all about it.

Si pours some sweets into Jesus' hands and they rolls through his palms onto the floor where his nail wounds are.
Si & Paul fall of their chairs pissing themselves.

P. (with prespotrous Irish accent. Murphy's nails!
S. You wouldn't place abet on him in the front crawl would yer?
J. I've never been so offended.
P. You're joking, that Judas proper coated you off. So being king of the jews, what's the pay like, good holidays?
J. I've had enough of this.
S. OOhh hark at her. Not so forgiving in the flesh are ya?
J. You are both beyond redemtion.
P. I know, we passed that via New Cross.

Paul pours whiskey at the foot of JC.

P. Walk on that you cunt.
S. So, the Red Sea. What's the fishing like?
P. Si stop he's getting cross.
S. What again, you can't keep this cunt away from them.
P. Your Dad was Joseph right, he was a carpenter, prope job that. So what's with being the saviour of all mankind bit of graft a bit much for you is it? Yer poof!
J. I will not tollerate descrimintaion of any sort.
S. Shut up yer bollix no one's listening.
J. You really should...

Si & paul have their hands over their ears

S&P. La la la la, we can't hear you Jesus.

The driver comes through and asks Jeus if Si & Paul are bothering him, he nods his head and the driver throws them off the bus. Paul pisses up the side of it.

P. What have we done, he started it and he called you a cunt too! He did Jesus said 'this cunt couldn't drive a milk float'.

The doors close and the bus pulls away. Jesus knocks on the window and gives Si & Paul the wanker sign.

Before anyone gets too upset, this never happened.